Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Animal People: The Movie
...at least, it's the best movie that one can make in approximately twenty minutes. A few students from our Photojournalism class assembled some sound slides about our stories. Essentially, it's a narrated, 200-word story set to about 12 photos of the subject and his/her/its environment. You can view them all here (click on each of our names) and check mine out at this link.
Monday, November 24, 2008
WAR #1: "List of Sudoku terms and jargon"
WAR, "Wikipedia At Random," is a fun little piece that I'm writing occasionally. Go to Wikipedia, hit "Random Article," and reflect! This week: List of Sudoku terms and jargon!
Well, I'm first struck by the size of the Table of Contents on this thing, and second, by the need for a list of terms for a Sudoku puzzle. Complicated words include puzzle, box, and size - I'm so confused, hang on, lemme figure out what they mean by these...
Sudoku types and classes... yawn. Scroll, scroll... wait, what the fuck is this shit?
25 squares? LETTERS!? COME ON, MATH NERDS, SUDOKU WAS FUN, STOP COMPLICATING THIS SHIT. You people always have to overcomplicate shit and it never gets anything done, like Statistics. I mean, the fact that such specialized terms exist for looking at the fucking puzzle ("scanning") or trying to solve it ("cross hatching" or "counting") is absolutely absurd. This is some OCD shit, come on.
The only redeeming part about sudoku now is that it recently earned me two free Crunch bars from my RA. I'll give them points for naming specific aspects of the board, but it seems like half of these terms are for people who like to use esoteric terms to make themselves feel better about the fact that they're obsessively training for a competition in solving simple math problems.
When people argue that Wikipedia should resemble a real-life encyclopedia rather than a catalogue of all world knowledge, it's article like this and full-on character analysis of an obscure anime that aired two episodes before being canceled that are used to bolster their stance.
Well, I'm first struck by the size of the Table of Contents on this thing, and second, by the need for a list of terms for a Sudoku puzzle. Complicated words include puzzle, box, and size - I'm so confused, hang on, lemme figure out what they mean by these...
Sudoku types and classes... yawn. Scroll, scroll... wait, what the fuck is this shit?
25 squares? LETTERS!? COME ON, MATH NERDS, SUDOKU WAS FUN, STOP COMPLICATING THIS SHIT. You people always have to overcomplicate shit and it never gets anything done, like Statistics. I mean, the fact that such specialized terms exist for looking at the fucking puzzle ("scanning") or trying to solve it ("cross hatching" or "counting") is absolutely absurd. This is some OCD shit, come on.
The only redeeming part about sudoku now is that it recently earned me two free Crunch bars from my RA. I'll give them points for naming specific aspects of the board, but it seems like half of these terms are for people who like to use esoteric terms to make themselves feel better about the fact that they're obsessively training for a competition in solving simple math problems.
When people argue that Wikipedia should resemble a real-life encyclopedia rather than a catalogue of all world knowledge, it's article like this and full-on character analysis of an obscure anime that aired two episodes before being canceled that are used to bolster their stance.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
WARDROBE UPDATE
I am now the proud bearer of this fine apparel:
Drawn by the amazing Kate Beaton... read her history comics! http://www.katebeaton.com
Drawn by the amazing Kate Beaton... read her history comics! http://www.katebeaton.com
Sunday, November 16, 2008
DreamBlog
I get driven to a huge parking deck in a slick limousine. It's twilight, and the sky has painted the world in a warm, orange glow. I step out and walk around the massive complex, but realize that, because I so hastily driven here, I only have one pair of shoes with me - a problem if I'm to be here for a while, which was wholly intended. I begin to walk back down when I notice a couple walking into a room, and I follow them.
They room is carpeted and swathed in bright colors and props. Right, I was at the movie studio because I was being cast. In the room to the left, I meet Joe Biden. We shake hands and I congratulate him, though worry about the relative closeness of the popular vote. He laughs about people he's met on the campaign trail, complete with a classic Biden expression.
I then get dressed up for my big role: Solid Snake (spurred, probably, by this news story). Mario, Link (I think), and I are discussing international politics, but I keep flubbing my lines. Mario has to predictably cheerful and safe for his intended demographic.
We're in some sort of cabana, where the far end is completely open to the sunset and shoreline. To the left of that is a bar, and scattered around are some tables. To the back is a fireplace and a raised platform.
Something goes wrong, however, and Link (?) goes berserk and attacks us. I jump to the side to avoid him, but Mario defeats him, as he throws him against the sides of the wall. To win, he says, I have to kill him before the timer ends. Using a whip (?), I send him out of bounds at the last second. We smile and walk off the set.
They room is carpeted and swathed in bright colors and props. Right, I was at the movie studio because I was being cast. In the room to the left, I meet Joe Biden. We shake hands and I congratulate him, though worry about the relative closeness of the popular vote. He laughs about people he's met on the campaign trail, complete with a classic Biden expression.
I then get dressed up for my big role: Solid Snake (spurred, probably, by this news story). Mario, Link (I think), and I are discussing international politics, but I keep flubbing my lines. Mario has to predictably cheerful and safe for his intended demographic.
We're in some sort of cabana, where the far end is completely open to the sunset and shoreline. To the left of that is a bar, and scattered around are some tables. To the back is a fireplace and a raised platform.
Something goes wrong, however, and Link (?) goes berserk and attacks us. I jump to the side to avoid him, but Mario defeats him, as he throws him against the sides of the wall. To win, he says, I have to kill him before the timer ends. Using a whip (?), I send him out of bounds at the last second. We smile and walk off the set.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Breakfast
The election is a lot like this bowl of Chocolate Chex, in that the brown chex are so much better than that plain, white ones. Also, Obama is covered in a delicious cocoa powder while McCain is dry and bland - obviously a commentary on foreign policy.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Tea Time
My roommate knocked on my door.
"So I've tried this tea... I had the mint one, but it tasted exactly like water. I don't really like tea, so here, have this." He handed me the box of Bigelow tea bags. What an odd name. Like that movie.
A few hours later, I decide to make a cup, just to see if it's any good. I open up the rectangular, yellow thing and look at the six different teas that range from "Green Tea" (okay, normal), "Earl Grey" (ooh, exotic), "English Teatime" (uhhh), and "'Constant Comment'" (well... huh), each in a different color. Obviously, "Lemon Lift" is in a yellow bag, "Green Tea" in green, "Plantation Mint" in a darker.
I walk out to the kitchen and my roommate joins me - we're going to try every tea and see how they are. I start with "Constant Comment," a "tea flavored with rind of oranges and sweet spice." Exotic. Interesting. Five minutes later, and it tastes like water. Wait... hm. Another sip. Ahhh.... there's a slight aftertaste of weak oranges.
My roommate goes for green tea, and I, "Lemon Lift." The first is bland, and he used two tea bags. Mine is pleasant and unoffensive, with a nice lemony taste on the way out. I'd keep drinking mine!
And now, we have one left that neither of us have tried: Earl Grey. "Perfectly flavored with natural bergamot." Bergamot. Okay. The tea bag announces the tea's aristocratic history. Well, if the history's behind it...
My roommate smells the bag.
He retches. I, of course, must know how awful it is for a man like him to react like that!
Oh god.
Into the microwave the water goes. He then puts in three tea bags so that there's actually some strength in this batch.
The brew smells as potent as the bag itself was. My roommate readies himself.
He immediately spits it into the sink and sticks his head under the faucet. Not only was it scaling-hot (duh), he says it tastes even more vile than it smells.
Meanwhile, I'm laughing my ass off at him. Regaining my composure, I take a drink.
Oh god. No. Why would you drink this. Why. Why. Why does it have the reputation that it does. No. No no no no no.
We try adding sugar. Oh god. Now it tastes horrible AND it's too sweet.
Fuck you, second Earl Grey. Fuck your nasty ass tea. You could have smelled it and thrown it away. But no, you brought it back to England and let it proliferate. Fuck you, sir.
"So I've tried this tea... I had the mint one, but it tasted exactly like water. I don't really like tea, so here, have this." He handed me the box of Bigelow tea bags. What an odd name. Like that movie.
A few hours later, I decide to make a cup, just to see if it's any good. I open up the rectangular, yellow thing and look at the six different teas that range from "Green Tea" (okay, normal), "Earl Grey" (ooh, exotic), "English Teatime" (uhhh), and "'Constant Comment'" (well... huh), each in a different color. Obviously, "Lemon Lift" is in a yellow bag, "Green Tea" in green, "Plantation Mint" in a darker.
I walk out to the kitchen and my roommate joins me - we're going to try every tea and see how they are. I start with "Constant Comment," a "tea flavored with rind of oranges and sweet spice." Exotic. Interesting. Five minutes later, and it tastes like water. Wait... hm. Another sip. Ahhh.... there's a slight aftertaste of weak oranges.
My roommate goes for green tea, and I, "Lemon Lift." The first is bland, and he used two tea bags. Mine is pleasant and unoffensive, with a nice lemony taste on the way out. I'd keep drinking mine!
And now, we have one left that neither of us have tried: Earl Grey. "Perfectly flavored with natural bergamot." Bergamot. Okay. The tea bag announces the tea's aristocratic history. Well, if the history's behind it...
My roommate smells the bag.
He retches. I, of course, must know how awful it is for a man like him to react like that!
Oh god.
Into the microwave the water goes. He then puts in three tea bags so that there's actually some strength in this batch.
The brew smells as potent as the bag itself was. My roommate readies himself.
He immediately spits it into the sink and sticks his head under the faucet. Not only was it scaling-hot (duh), he says it tastes even more vile than it smells.
Meanwhile, I'm laughing my ass off at him. Regaining my composure, I take a drink.
Oh god. No. Why would you drink this. Why. Why. Why does it have the reputation that it does. No. No no no no no.
We try adding sugar. Oh god. Now it tastes horrible AND it's too sweet.
Fuck you, second Earl Grey. Fuck your nasty ass tea. You could have smelled it and thrown it away. But no, you brought it back to England and let it proliferate. Fuck you, sir.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
What Brit Lit amounts to
I apologize to my multitude of adoring fans for abandoning the blog, but I've been distracted by a lot of nothing and then a lot of everything. I'm going to continue to write to this, though! Expect some crossposts from the newspaper, too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)