WAR #1: "List of Sudoku terms and jargon"

WAR, "Wikipedia At Random," is a fun little piece that I'm writing occasionally. Go to Wikipedia, hit "Random Article," and reflect! This week: List of Sudoku terms and jargon!

Well, I'm first struck by the size of the Table of Contents on this thing, and second, by the need for a list of terms for a Sudoku puzzle. Complicated words include puzzle, box, and size - I'm so confused, hang on, lemme figure out what they mean by these...

Sudoku types and classes... yawn. Scroll, scroll... wait, what the fuck is this shit?


25 squares? LETTERS!? COME ON, MATH NERDS, SUDOKU WAS FUN, STOP COMPLICATING THIS SHIT. You people always have to overcomplicate shit and it never gets anything done, like Statistics. I mean, the fact that such specialized terms exist for looking at the fucking puzzle ("scanning") or trying to solve it ("cross hatching" or "counting") is absolutely absurd. This is some OCD shit, come on.

The only redeeming part about sudoku now is that it recently earned me two free Crunch bars from my RA. I'll give them points for naming specific aspects of the board, but it seems like half of these terms are for people who like to use esoteric terms to make themselves feel better about the fact that they're obsessively training for a competition in solving simple math problems.

When people argue that Wikipedia should resemble a real-life encyclopedia rather than a catalogue of all world knowledge, it's article like this and full-on character analysis of an obscure anime that aired two episodes before being canceled that are used to bolster their stance.

WARDROBE UPDATE

I am now the proud bearer of this fine apparel:

Drawn by the amazing Kate Beaton... read her history comics! http://www.katebeaton.com

DreamBlog

I get driven to a huge parking deck in a slick limousine. It's twilight, and the sky has painted the world in a warm, orange glow. I step out and walk around the massive complex, but realize that, because I so hastily driven here, I only have one pair of shoes with me - a problem if I'm to be here for a while, which was wholly intended. I begin to walk back down when I notice a couple walking into a room, and I follow them.

They room is carpeted and swathed in bright colors and props. Right, I was at the movie studio because I was being cast. In the room to the left, I meet Joe Biden. We shake hands and I congratulate him, though worry about the relative closeness of the popular vote. He laughs about people he's met on the campaign trail, complete with a classic Biden expression.

I then get dressed up for my big role: Solid Snake (spurred, probably, by this news story). Mario, Link (I think), and I are discussing international politics, but I keep flubbing my lines. Mario has to predictably cheerful and safe for his intended demographic.

We're in some sort of cabana, where the far end is completely open to the sunset and shoreline. To the left of that is a bar, and scattered around are some tables. To the back is a fireplace and a raised platform.

Something goes wrong, however, and Link (?) goes berserk and attacks us. I jump to the side to avoid him, but Mario defeats him, as he throws him against the sides of the wall. To win, he says, I have to kill him before the timer ends. Using a whip (?), I send him out of bounds at the last second. We smile and walk off the set.